December 29

We have to be 3 of the only retards on miami beach on such a day not counting the tourists. After the Beach me miry and manny all go to his cousins house to spend some time on his pool. To our surprise Bobbys friends from new york are staying down so we all decided to go on the boat =) what a great day i must say. Me and manny are getting really close.

Christmas Morning =)

Last night, all hell broke loose at my aunts house. between my aunts raging pyschotic husband my cousin made who doesn't know how to shut up and my over controlling cousin nenny going at it. We called it an early night. Everyone left home mad. What a bad christmas eve. Miry made manny annabelle and my mom all came back to my house. But we got kicked out by my dad. We went to mannys house, even ahmed came which made miry happy. Idk why though he doesn't treat her good enough. We dropped off My mom at 12:30 after she said Merry christmas. But to our surprise my alcoholic father decided it would be an intellegent idea to block the door from the inside with the houses rocking chair. It was failed attempt must i add. And he broke the doors handle. Go dad now you have to fix it and we can get easily robbed! We went back to mannys house to frink and me and manny did it again =) and it was much better

Christmas Morning

Manny got me the best presents ever!
Mr. Beans holiday ( shh dont tell him i have 3 ;] )
Andy Milanokis season 1 & 2
And a danger shirt <--- very random not expecting that lol but i like it!

We spent all morning on sing star. He even sang a duet with my mom to i touch my self haha. Krewd texted me exactly when i was singing the first song he ever dedicated to me. "hey there delilah" Creepy huh? i didn't answer. I wasn't pleased with his Bad grammer "Marry christmas" No nigger i am not going to marry anybody. I have officially not talked to him for a week go me !!

Mannys coming to my cousins house with me tonight.... Should be pretty boring like every other year.

Christmas eve

Mannys mom has left to north carolina for 3 weeks! =)

i know i shouldn't be excited but that means we have the house to ourselves and he gets to spend christmas morning with me cause i am not gonna let him be alone. I got him gay presents for christmas though. Im bad at this gift shit. Always have been, always will be. He's spending christmas eves at bobbys and then he is gonna come be with my family. I really dont like what i am wearing i have changed my outfit 3 times already. I hate that im never satisfied ughh


Oh and i got arrested today for shoplifting a mascara go me for getting caught woo!

The first time

Manny has decided to take off from work the two weeks im in winter break!!! ahhh im so excited

today we spent the day at his house and we did it. yes, it. It was the first time, was it great. No Will there be more, yes. On the brightside atleast we suceeded =D

After the rendevue we went to go have lunch with miry at subway then christmas shopping at dadeland, where i saw his sister for the first time. They look nothing alike but she dances atleast, like me =)

My Dance show

Today is my dance show woooo!!

what a mission though i need to perform carol of the bells as the second number in the show. And then change super fast and go to southwest to perform for hoop hoppers in the faculty game. Krewd came to my house to wish me luck he didn't want to go though cause manny would be there. I didn't mind krewd never appreciated my dancing anyways. It all went good though .... i was gonna post it but blogger takes to long for videos =/

Thanksgiving

It had been a week since i had seen him. Things were going great with manny. We discovered that we were both not the people that the other one thought. it was a great sigh of relief, it really did put things in perspective.

Thanksgiving is today. And krewd wants to say hi since its thanksgiving. It being me ofcourse i let him come over. I could tell my mom was already beggining to turn anti krewd by this time. She didn't even say hi, nor let him come in. I went to my cousins house to have dinner with the family. I left to go to mannys families house. There miry annabelle and made all had a serious conv. about "what i need to do". I either have to choose manny or krewd.


Now this choosing word always angered me. maybe i dont want to choose. Maybe its a little hard to choose between your bestfriend, that you dont feel that strongly for. Or The guy you love but you will never see the same ever again. It always sucked the fact that i always wanted him. when he wasn't mine. But i knew what had to be done and i didn't talk to him for a while..

The end

I gave him one week but i just couldn't do it. It felt over whelming a burdun even. So i did as he always did best. I broke up with him through a text. Ofcourse he called me right after. Giving me the dramaticness that he always does. But i was done. From this day foward. Me and manny would get closer. I could tell

His birthday

I know its his birthday but i just can't. I gather his gifts, and i head for the door. I know he loves jelly doughnuts so i stop at dunkin doughnuts and buy him a batch. I go to have dinner with him at his job. But he had already ate. It only occurs to him to do such stupidity. This can't wait one more day. One more day and i might as well just throw my self off a building. I tell him that nobody knows that were together, cause deep down in side i haven't felt like we've been together since february. He has nothing to say but that i ruined his 18th birthday. And as much as i wanted to care i couldn't. He ruined my life for 9 months and never cared. So why should i now.


Some how he always gets his way. I got back with him.

Seizures

I can't keep doing this. All this stress. and lack of sleep is only leading me to depression and insanity. I had 2 seizures while sleeping. It actually made me feel okai to think i might die. I consider my self an awful person. Not because i wish bad on others. But cause i always want to come off as the good one. All i know is one thing. I can't keep doing this. Manny wants answers as to why im being so cold. And krewd wants to know why im not being myself.

Halloween

Im suppose to spend the day with krewd -_- how very unfortunate but i rather spend it with manny. So i divide my time equally. I chilled with krewd and it was so boring i called up fons to toke up with. When i got back home and he was waiting for his ride. Manny showed up. I thought it would be the day i would officially be caught. Krewd saw the silver taurus. and there was no denying it. I knew time was coming and i had to decide. ever since that 17th though. being with krewd seemed forced. Yet being with manny was making me feel uncomfortable.

My weekend

i had alot of fun on this weekend. Spent alot of time with manny. Laughed got super lets and i haven't talked to krewd in 2 days. =)

Going to howl o scream

Another 17. surprising how things always land on this day. I want to remove it from the calender i swear.

Me and krewd were at my house talking. And he wanted to show me some drawings he had done on his myspace. They were to little to see detail. So i clicked on them to see them bigger. It led me to his photobucket. And the first picture that pops out is one of cindy in a towl. She looks like she is at a hotel. And the date reads August 2. My face went black. My hands turned into fist. i dont even think i spoke for a minute. I was in shock i knew this day was the day he picked up and hung up at 10. I also remember his status was "at the fountain blu" that day. How do i remember any of these things till this day. im not quite sure. My memory could be a curse. or maybe just a blessing. Depending on how you look at it.

It sucks he had to ruin this day for me, with out even trying. The day i was leaving on the trip i had been planning for a month now. I was happy to atleast spend a week with manny. My bestfriend already at this time. I couldnt talk about what was wrong with me though. It was to hard. And between all the lies i had already conjoured up for myself in the process. Things were getting hard. I looked like i had stuff on my mind 24/7. I probably wasn't even that fun to be around. I told manny how ever. Im not sure he gave advice just listened and told me to forget about it

Nosy me

Ive had krewd for a friend on myspace for a week now. And ive stopped my self from reading his comments. But today it seems like i must. I put my detective hat on. And im off. I go all the way back to july/august when he treated me like shit, to atleast have an idea why. Nothing seems to pop out. But some girl said on august 8 it was nice seeing you we should do it again. She isn't pretty so i try not to pay mind to it. But when i click her myspace. Cindy ferrey is number one on her top. Now me... Im not an idiot... i might be in love but im not stupid. I put 2 and 2 together and i go to my aim logger. I remember that on august 7 i was talking to sunny bricks about krewds status and how it said horney. It boiled my blood that day. ANd it started boiling all over again today. I knew he had seen her. Even though he said he never would. Funny thing is when i got back with him on the 3rd. He told me he had nothing to tell me. Yet i poured my heart out about things i hadn't told him.


I told him i had read his comments and to not even waste his time lying to me. All the idiot had to say was. "How dare you read my comments!" Its funny how you always know you have caught them when they try to change the subject. He said he saw her on the 7th at bird bowl but nothing big they barely even talked. And he didn't tell me cause he thought i wouldn't believe him. Krewd and his stupid theories. Him telling me would make me trust him more. But no he never saw things like that. I chose to believe him. I just knew there was more and i was going to find out.... i always do.

A big mistake

I said yes. It was my danceshow. And i dont know why i finally thought i was ready. Annabelle was having a birthday getty at mannys house which i should have been at. But i didn't feel like it.

It didn't even feel like we were together. The moment i said yes, that same day we already argued. It finally occured to me that the only reason we hadn't faught in new york was cause i didn't have my cell phone. And just that day. The first time i had seen him since we got back from the trip. We were already going down hill.

Back from new york

I had a great weekend. We didn't fight. We got along. We smoked. I got my head a little straight. Krewd asked me out. But i didn't say yes. I said i didn't know and i left it at that

Im off to new york

one whole weekend with krewd in the city of new york. I've decided to not take my phone. To see what a mini vacation with krewd felt like. We were off to a great start

I love you

I dont know what would posses me to ask such a question on the phone. But i asked manny how much he liked me. I put a scale 1-10. Im sure it was just to see what to do about the whole manny and krewd thing. If manny did like me alot i would continue with him and drop krewd. But if he wasn't sure of us. I didn't want to be sure of him. I told manny 1 was barely and 10 was love. And he said 10.


Love is a word that scares me. I had been through it. And hated it. I knew i was bound to feel it again. But i didn't want to walk into something knowing i might go through it all again. especially after only knowing a person for a month. Its hard to swallow. He barely knew me. Anything abuot me. So many things i had left out or not shown. There was only one thing to do.

I got away from him

2 years

its funny that i should remember this day.





BUT I DONT lmfaooooo

Beach

i decided to go to the beach with krewds friend. that i had been hitting on to get information out of. Its funny how guys are so easily tricked. that guy led me to all the information i needed to know. Like how girls use to sit on krewds lap in school around the time his grandma died. cough cough. January. (when we were still together) Or like the fact of how krewd was more of a delinquint than i ever knew of.

Duewski . How ever you spell his name. Was just about as boring as krewd even more. That hole day i spent it with miry we even found a guy with a snake.

First kiss

He came to my house. Me my sister miry and mario we're all watching speed racer. He sat next to me on the rocking chair. As i sat on the uncomfortable green chair, which had a terrible angle at the t.v Not like the movie was what i had in mind anyway so i didn't care. We spent most of the movie talking. And he noticed i liked to point my feet. He called them little bananas. I pretended like i didn't like the name. But deep inside i was happy he even noticed i did it .


He had to go. Cause i had school the next day. I knew it was time, to give him what he deserved. So i kissed him =)




And it felt great

He couldn't wait

waiting for another day would have been far to long. So what ended up happening was that he came to my house late at night. I still didn't kiss him though. It was funny cause it was tempting. But temptation killed adam and eve. Haha random i know . Anywhoooo We sat there and talked shit about everything. He must have noticed my love for dogs that day. Cause there were 2 strays that kept breaking my heart. I went inside and got them food. I even got them water. they were so nice. We stayed out so late sitting down on my drive way leaning up against the dirty taurus that Annabelle and made got home from clubbing at 5 in the morning. And we just welcomed them. He had to go though, not cause we were bored nor tired. But because my fiendishh cigarrete addicted father was soon to wake up

We held hands for the first time

His hands are warm <3

First date

We went to go watch death race.

I hadn't busted a mission to go out on a date i'd say since summer of going into my freshman year. Funny cause it never ended up working out that day anyways. But this day it did. Annabelle wanted to go clubbing and miry was suppose to, to. But she didn't feel like it thank god. I wasn't allowed to go out with friends back then. And why would raymond take me to see manny. And it was pretty much family or nothing. Miry decided to go with me !! go miry


The movie was good. I didn't kiss him. I knew it would keep him wanting it =)

School

school had been going good i guess you can say. I spent most of my day texting manny. i loved how we never ran out of conv. Me and krewd still talked. Nothing crazy though. he's really boring. Me and robert, going down hill.

The greatest friend request

So lalalalalala there i am checking my myspace. (regular activity) and i get a friend request from. HIM. i was surprised he had found me. Completely forgetting my status still said "i love manny he made my night" When i finally remembered i changed it in an instance. We started commenting. Then he imed me. Funny cause i never gave it to him. That stalker! straight jacked it from my about me. Its the reason i put it there i guess. But i just called him a creepo for the fun of it. =) We talked for over 12 hours on aim. Although i took a little break to go get lets with annabelle miry and pedro. I came back though. And while i was gone all i could do was mention him. I still have the lighter i bought that day. It was clear and purple.

I gave him my number around 12 cause he was such a slow stepper i never thought he would. And he texted me as soon as i signed off. He said good night and good luck at school


AHHH school i forgot it was tomorrow!

During the day

Well. It should not be a surprise that krewd comes back on the 17th . He actually had texted me that night saying he loved me. But caught in between the fun with manny. I disregarded it. The next morning however i was not as strong since people weren't around. He called me and told me he didn't want to spend an anniversary without me, cause it would only be tradition. Me having no plans i gave in. But later on that day robert called to chill. So i kicked out krewd at 9. Why let him stay any later its not like i wanted to chill with him anyways after everything.

So we went and capped annabelle robert and i. And then we met up with mario at my house. We toked up and just talked shit for an hour. Annabelle and mario went inside. While me and robert stayed out side talking. This was the day that changed everything for me and robert. I dont even know why i did it. Must have been for revenge on krewd. Maybe cause i actually wanted it...

The day that changed it all

August 16

i went to the beach. i was suppose to have hung out with robert at night. But i over slept and woke up at 10 when i woke up annabelle was getting ready for a getty. I asked her if i could come to. it was my last week before school started and i didn't want to be home. She said yes and my mom said i had to be back by 12:30

i left with her to the wack getty which we left not even 10 minutes of being there. We went to taco bell so annabelle could eat. And they were gonna go to a getty in cutler ridge. My mom wanted me home by 12:30 and it wouldn't happen with that distance. I called my mom and begged for her to let me go. I didn't even know if it would be good i just oddly wanted to go. She kept telling me no till i compromised i would not go clubbing till my next break. which was winter break. she finally agreed and i went.

August 17
The moment i walked in, i knew i already wanted to go hit a bowl. unfortunatly my dumb lighter was jammed. I stopped and contimplated what to do while i was introduced to the young fellow in the stripe shirt named Manny. He was so polite. So good spirited. Not knowing him i asked him for a lighter. He replied with an "i dont smoke" i thought to my self "woah"

i gave up on it. thought maybe its not a day to smoke. i kept thinking about brownies. The special kind. With the herbs and spices =) There were no brownies and no lighters so i thought. fuck it . i shall drink . i poored my self a cup of coke and black label. and nearly gagged since as ive said. im not a drinker. Manny comes back with a lighter looking exausted. Saying he found one. I found it funny that he actually tried since i never asked it of him. I said omg i love you! and as i was walking to the car i realized he was following. i gave him a look (the kind i give when im confused) he said he had to come with me cause his friend could not lose the lighter.) i knew it was just a poor excuse to keep talking to me.

I was hitting a bowl with miry and i offered to him. He rejected me kindly. I didn't persist more goodies for me. we kept giving it funny code names like. Micheal jordan and micheal jackson. Miry pointed out it was a full moon. idk why i still remember it till this day. I kept laughing at something. And miry looks at manny and says isn't she cute. and he looked at me and said yeah i noticed that a while ago. (something along those lines) i smiled but didn't let him see.

I went back into the getty and found my sister watching laura play beer pong in the corner. so i perched my self next to her. To my surprise manny came back to me. We sat and laughed and made fun of this girl name "the girl from busch gardens" she didn't seem like she was invited. she had no friends. she just kept making choreography to all the songs that came on. She actually kind of looked like she got lost in the tour of busch gardens and just magically landed in cutler ridge.

Manny left to go be DJ i looked at him from far. and he played fuck the otherside. i knew it was love at first sight from right then and there. He just through his hands up in the air. as i sang from far away. he didn't come back. it was okai cause i was leaving anyways. i was gonna leave like i always do without saying bye. but i felt like he diserved it. he had made my night. He was disapointed to see i was leaving. YET DIDNT ASK ME FOR MY NUMBER! so i left it at that


just an awesome guy that i met, made my day, but that i would never see again.
I however went on my space and made a status about him saying. I love manny he made my night.

normally i would never do such an outlandish thing. but frankly i found him ONE OF A KIND

I grew some balls

Krewd and i wake up . And i tell him i no longer wish to talk to him . That i could never forgive him for what he did. He does as i please and he leaves me alone

Great luck(sarcasm)

idk what in the world would posses krewd to have wanted to see me on this day. This day that i was finally going to meet the only guy i had considered giving a chance in over 5 months. He left me a text saying im going to your house and then i guess his phone had died cause he wouldn't pick up. i had no way to stop him . So i went to mirys house where he couldn't find me and i could meet robert.

So lalalalala i was sitting on my uncles pick up talking shit with him pointing at the stars. when i hear this voice from the bushes saying.

So this is why youve kept me waiting for him ? !


i nearly fell off the pick up when i heard that. i knew i was fucked alll i could ask is what are you doing here. he said he wanted to talk. and i said you could have done that a week ago when you disapeered. i bitched him out and told him to leave. and he said he was going to meet me at my house. he expected me to take an hour. i watched a whole movie lmfao!

i knew things were going to be good with robert. but i was afraid what would happen with krewd


we ended up talking when i got home. i even let his dumb ass sleep over because it was to late and i cared enough to not let him sleep on the street like he should have.

=)

I finally really started to like a guy. It was amazing. The first time in a really long time. I gave him my number and we talked for hours. till the point where i killed my phone and had to use my moms at my aunts house just to keep talking to him. We hadn't met. And although he didn't know me, i knew him. We got along great as friends. Talked about the randomest things. He always thought i was weird. And i always knew he liked it. He just was to manly to admit it.

Familiar Face

I went to go check my myspace a regular day event. And i see a friend request from a guy i always had a crush on from middle school. I had never talked to him though. He was just always my type. The bad kid who always faught and didn't give a fuck (wow its like im attracted to losers) Any whoo it made me smile. Krewd was no where to be found. And frankly i didn't give a fuck. He invited me to a getty he was having for his birthday. ofcourse i didn't go. What type of needy bitch would i have been if i did.

I have friends/Raymond

I realize i have friends. I never knew it before this day.

After that wedding things were rocky. they would be good. get bad be good get bad. I hadn't seen him since that day. And i was suppose to see him on that saturday. I was super excited cause he was gonna spend a weekend with me. Not at a wedding, but just us together. I called him while i was at SAT classes. He picked up at 10 but then just hung up. I found it odd. Blamed it on how he was just half asleep. I kept sending him texts saying. "Hey im by your house do you want me to pick you up so you dont have to find a ride?" I kept calling him and calling. and texting and leaving voice mails. but he wouldn't answer. its odd since the slightest noise always woke him up. It was 5 already in the afternoon still not a sign of him. It hurt me that he would once again sell me out. Especially when i had my hopes so high.


Its sad how i've failed to mention raymond till now. But he was a big part of my life since february. He always picked me up when i was on the floor crying, starving, hopeless, depressed. You name it raymond was there.

and once again he was there for me again. That night i was left w.o plans. And he dropped all of his to come be with me. I even remember he was at sunset with his friends and he just left. Ashley had plans but out of no where instead came to be with me at my house. Adis even came that faggot lol ! At 10 caro came too after work. I went from feeling alone and helpless to realizing hey. Maybe i do have other friends. Maybe krewd isn't the most important thing. Maybe just maybe i can do it this time. We got ice cream at cold stone. How i loved coldstone. Raymond held my hand in the car. And it felt great. Great to know i was loved.

Im pathetic

So even though ive got these calls i still keep calling. Funny huh. He finally comes to answer me the next day at. 12 in the after noon. I had a wedding that night which he was suppose to attend with me. He said he was still coming and that, who ever called me was lying and not to believe them. It was great to hear those words that everything that prank caller said was a lie. i didn't even hesitate to believe him. The wedding after party was at the same place his homecoming was. we spoke for hours, he said he missed me. As did i. I dont even know why it was always so easy to put all the tears in the back of my mind like it never happend.

I love you miry

Days are hard. some more than others. I can tell im disnutritioned. I dont take pictures anymore. My interest for guys has left the planet. I only have one thing in mind. Someone who would put a random person he just met that day before me. Yet he's all that matters. All that makes me wake for the next day. Im couting. ONLY ONE MORE DAY TILL I SEE HIM. He isn't picking up my calls this day. Its making me anxious. But i feel like he wont sell out on me. So i just let it go.

i get a call that night while im in the car. It was me annabelle and mariel. driving down miracle mile. Its an UNKNOWN number my favorite! so i pick up ready to eat shit. But its not a regular funny prank caller. Its somebody saying that there krewds homegirl and that he isn't going to pick up my calls. because he thinks im a psycho bitch and he already has a girlfriend. So to just leave him alone. And when i ask so why doesn't he have the balls to tell me himself. they respond with. because he doesn't want you to slit your wrist and beg for him back.


This just sounds to believable. And all i can do is cry and cry and cry and cry. And somehow the tears just dont stop pooring out. We go to pick up miry. Who was stood up by armando. And all she can do is cry too.


::Miry till this day you probably wont know how much that day meant to me. But you were there for me even though we probably didn't even speak. i knew i wasn't alone. And i want you to know you will never be either. as long as im alive. and i love you::

Another 24

So to my suprise i barely hear from him. I haven't seen him since the 17. He leaves to orlando or so that was the last thing i heard from him. All the days hes been gone ive been home. he always liked it best when i stayed home. So for his hapiness i always did. I didn't have many friends. Since all of mine were drug abusers. And my sister didn't ever want me around cause i was a burden. One night they finally decide to invite me to matador to hear our friend eddy DJ and to get free drinks.( Im not much of a drinker though so i stay sober.) Krewd finally calls me that day and i tell him my plans and he says i wanted to chill with you today. Im caught between wanting to see him and wanting to be with my cousins. So i tell him that he has made me wait this long that he could wait one more day, cause i dont want to sell out. He however gets offended and clicks. Cause its what he does best. And when i call him that night when i get home. Mind you im LETSBAGETS. He just flat out tells me. its over. Haha and not only does he break up with me on the phone he turns off his phone. So there i am torn into pieces. Super lets and feeling like my heart stopped beating and all i can do is cry and call his voice mail to leave him messages in regards to what i feel. He didn't care. He finally comes to call me an hour later and tell me i'll see you this saturday. Hopeful me i go to sleep with a smile thinking i have hope all over again.

The next weeks

id love to say i gave up on him. But sadly it wouldn't be in my nature. i continued to work for our relationship. And sneak him into my house when nobody was home just to see him. Cause i knew he wouldn't give his weekends to be with me anymore. We finally started getting things on track it started to look bright happier. We were happier. He asked me out on our 1 year an 10 months. In Miami childrens hospital . We went to dolphin that night and hung out with my friends. i knew his cousins from new york were coming down however and we were soon to distance a bit. It was okai to me though cause as long as we were official i knew he wouldn't be going anywhere.

He broke up with me

Well if my title didn't give it away. i dont know what will. He broke up with ME through a text. And yes i will admit. I dont let go of the past and i might have led him to it. But who told him to cheat on me and what type of faggot are you to break up with your girlfriend of a year and 9 months through a text?


i was in corcord park with ziggy getting into his car as i read the. "were not working out, its over" text

what did i do? nothing i said okai


relieved? yes

Biggest mistake of my life

I got back with him. In 5 days. I think it has to be a record for stupidity.

I start missing him

Wow all i need is one fucking call to ruin everything i had achieved in 12 days. i was at the beach with my family. How i love them i must say. And i just couldn't shake the urge but to text him. I told him i missed him and couldn't stop thinking of him. and to my suprise. He was giving me a hard time. Like I had done something wrong. me! I wasnt the one who had cheated i wasn't the one who disapeered for 2 weeks. Yet i was the one crying for him to take me back. I didn't sleep that day. It was the day before school started again from spring break. He told me he liked some girl. And if i say it didn't rip my heart out of my chest, pinned it up against the wall with thumb tacks, and stabbed it with a steak knife. Id be lying. Yet i felt hopeful i knew i could get him back

It rings

lalalalaa suds in the shower. Jamming to my music from my computer in my room to my bathroom like it was all good. Nobodys home its spring break. things with ziggy are going great im sure you can say. (He really helps me feel hopeful. dont know why; distance is always an issue though) I hear my house phone ringing but i continue in the shower. Lalalaala suds suds suds =) Then the suds are off and i turn the water off only to hear my STUPID caller ID "BABY" Wtf?! i think to my self. Wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf. (Not even wtf a million times could some up how many wtfs crossed through my mind at that point) i was in shock that i had almost made it 14 days without talking to him and he comes to ruin it for me. I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT HIM EVEN LET HIM CROSS MY MIND NOT EVEN ONCE SINCE THE 24! AND HE COMES AND RUINS MY COUNTDOWN!!!!! But no wait its Mabelle ofcourse. So i pick up.
"Hello?!"
"Why didn't you pick up my other calls?"
"i was showering."

it honestly doesn't suprise me. that after 12 days of not hearing from this idiot the first thing he responds with is a question. Oh how i hated those questions. It was mostly the reason we ever faught.

He asked me how i was doing and i told him great. even though it felt like a lie. I could tell he was being shady at the minimal imput of his life he was putting. I told him i was talking to ziggy. But couldn't help but tell him the truth that we kissed. Idk why i was always so afraid of him. We left it at that nothing more nothing less just a bye.

I did it

I finally did it!
I let go of him. i told him to call me when he missed me. At first it hurt; then it felt like someone had lifted a weight off my shoulders. Like it was all up to him

"over you" - Chris daughtry


helped me get by on that day

Going Back in time

I remember this day, till this day like it was yesterday. I was dancing in 2nd period not a care in the world. i already started giving up on my self by that time. Nothing seemed worse than not being wanted by the only person i had really ever fallen for. I had fallen so hard that it seemed i couldn't pick my self up. I found out that day that Krewd had been talking to the girl i had suspected for the past month. Theres one thing to think your not wanted because your not good enough. And its another to find out its because someone else is interfiering. I ignored him after that day until monday.