i dont trust myself

i dont trust myself anymore to not hurt who ever i meet. I hurt my mom my bestfriends my family and what ever boy comes my way. My insecurities and lack of reasurance always leads me down the wrong path. I go to sleep feeling a certain way and i wake up feeling the complete opposite. Why couldn't we have just worked out. Things were so simple back in the day. I can sit here and tell myself everything happens for a reason. But what is that reason, cause it just doesn't seem worth it anymore. I miss you more than i let my self realize. You made me understand myself, You made me complete. I miss your scent your touch your lips but most of all your voice. This isn't about you however. This is about how i feel like im trapped in a maze with no correct outlet. I keep crashing into the same wall. The wall of friends falling for me and me not making the right decision and getting in to deep. I know who makes me happiest but at times i dont feel like the passion is there. Maybe im not letting myself see the light. OR maybe i just dont want to see it. I wanna see you. I know we can't happen. Not now. I think its about time i end all ties and for once in my life have NO guys. Im not even sure what type of life that is honestly. Ive been living this way since i was 12 and it served me perfectly. All games must always come to an end. And it seems mine has ended or atleast needs a break. I need a sign atleast to point me in the right direction. I'm a mess. Im bitter im useless. Im incomplete. My "hapiness" is an alibi for the sadness i feel inside.



I love you